|
[01 May 2008|02:15am] |
i dont know.
my life has changed. i have actual friends now that like to go out and do things instead of sit inside and drink or just sit inside.
im thinking about going to the gyno to get on birth control, cause i think its halarious how I am not on it yet; and going to a psychologist for my personality disorder. The thing with that one is that ill be put on like, shitty, retarded-ass medication that may be like bipolar medication or anti-depressants, or some antipsychotic medications. Than i wont be loopy anymore. :(
|
|
|
[26 Mar 2008|09:27pm] |
|
so, me and lisa sat for 2 hours listening to the women from freedom writers talk about her stupid story and her lame book. but than she was doing a book signing so i was going to buy the book and have hr sign it. the book costs $13, around $7 if i get it from the school book store, and they wanted me to buy it for $20. forget that.
i got pretty much all C's on my mid-term and i need to see some professors. HAHAHA. whatever.
Me and Jenn probably arent friends anymore. She wants to act like i dont exist because she has some dumb-ass boyfriend now. Its turning into a Jesse story: shes dating a kid now so she doesnt talk to me or hang out anymore. she stops showing up for class. i cant even joke around with her anymore cause she wants to be ms. serious all the time, and me and jenn joked about EVERYTHING. all she does now is sit online and play wow or some other gay ass video game to where she can talk to him. when it comes to myspace she delted me, re-added me, but now deletes my comments and sends me rude ones in return saying "dont leave me things like that."
youre full of bullshit.
i tried to say hi to her today, but she ignored me. so i basically had to get right in her face and say hi and she like, brushed me off, like i didnt exist. pathetic. i thought i was your friend, right?
|
|
|
[24 Mar 2008|07:15pm] |
|
im getting so frustrated writing this paper. it sucks. my writing sucks. its retarded that my major is english.
im having a brain blockage while writing this thing.
i wanna go out tonight but no one is home. and everyone turned their cells off. :( fucking last day of spring break.
|
|
|
[09 Mar 2008|10:42pm] |
|
i feel like if we do it this time, we can really make it work. but i text him and he doesnt respond and i call and he doesnt want to talk. so im about to give up. to me its like, yeah we have our seperate lives, but if you cant make some time for me than i dont know what i can do anymore but let you do your own thing.
im getting sad just thinking about it. whatever.
|
|
|
[18 Feb 2008|02:53pm] |
|
Rutgers, where is my acceptance letter?
|
|
|
[16 Feb 2008|07:21pm] |
|
i was pushing him away and now when im starting to pull him in he starts pushing me away. :(
|
|
|
[14 Feb 2008|01:37pm] |
|
for the first time in a year i feel so alone, abandoned even.
i guess its better for me to be alone in the long-run anyways.
|
|
|
[06 Feb 2008|02:40pm] |
|
i didnt vote. the world is not going to end. quite frankly, i could care less.
my electric has been out. the only thing i have eaten is a sandwich of cheese and a bowl of cereal. it came back on 10 minutes ago, and, of course, I had to personally go around and fix every clock and make sure everything is working right. I was the one that had to call the electric company cause freddie couldnt do it. he had to eat all the ice cream cause, "it just has to be saved."
umm. i ran 3 red lights today. completely blew them. i dont care. its about time i get a ticket.
iahlajklaj. fucking life. again.
|
|
|
[30 Jan 2008|11:15pm] |
|
vjshfkllakjdakjaslkd
i hate my life. boo.
|
|
|
[22 Jan 2008|12:16am] |
i want NO drama in my life. this goes out to you, anybody you know, or anybody that i might meet in the near future. please be responsible for YOUR OWN actions. if youre a slut, thats not my fault. if youre talking smack, thats not my fault. if you somehow got yourself into a little predicament and you "cant understand how it happened" you better think hard about it. the only way that i will have your back is if you desperatley need me. i will not be a bodyguard for people who do not deserve it. i will not be a protector of the guilty. i am content with the way things are. im content with the simpleness and peace that i am at right now.
to put this simply: once youre not fake, once you get your head out of the clouds, we can chill again. once you realize that youre not the shit, ill hang with you again. realistically, pretty much everyone hates you. its the friends that you took for granted that defended you. you just cant appreciate people that have stood by your side through all the drama that wasnt necessary. you cant see that maybe some people are genuine, but let me not acknowledge them.
|
|
|
[21 Jan 2008|03:52pm] |
|
so, today is my last day of break. tomorrow i start school again. well, tomorrow at 3.30 in the afternoon. haha. but, this semester is sort of bittersweet. its my last batch of classes in a community college. soon ill be gone from here and somewhere new.
i hope that this semester i meet new friends. i let go a lot of the bad apples that i used to hang out with. i want to meet people that arent assholes. i want to meet people that would rather do stupid things than sit around and dirnk or do drugs. i need a better outlet for entertainment in my life.
anyway. for the next 4 months im going to be busy. i cant wake up and just do NOTHING like ive been doing the past couple weeks.
and than in 3 months im going to be working again. geeze.
|
|
| so i dont forget this: |
[16 Jan 2008|11:18am] |
The Typical Girls Fastpitch Softball Player
[Sucks that half of this isnt me, but it seriously is true. Ps.: I stole this. Dont get mad if you find out. :)]
The Typical Girls Fastpitch Softball Player(TGFPSP) is first and foremost somebody's little girl. At one time looked as cute as a button, dressed in pink with ponytails. She played with dolls, helped mom bake cookies, and has probably earned a few bucks babysitting. She had been and always will be somebody's little girl.
The TGFPSP still has all those little girl attributes. The only difference is now she looks cute dressed in sliders and shorts. If she is wearing ribbons in her hair, they are team colors. She still bakes cookies...team bake sale. And she has probably earned a few bucks...at the team carwash. Now she is and always will be somebody's little catcher :]
The TGFPSP takes pride in the amount of dirt she can collect each weekend. Go to dinner on a night that she is not playing and it takes her an hour to get ready, and she still feels self-conscious. Go to dinner after a game and she'll walk right into a restaurant with dirt all over her face, hair matted down, stained shirt, and brownish/white socks-or brown toes with sandals!- and yells, "Where's the grub?!"
The TGFPSP is ready and willing to play at the drop of a hat. If she can get away with it, she will play on two teams(on the same day, no less). She has a huge wardrobe- plenty of tournament shirts and shorts from all the teams she played on. Her parents do her school shopping every weekend at the tournament T- shirt booth. When you say, "Wear something nice", she thinks it means a tournament shirt without the dirt stains.
The TGFPSP needs a scholarship. Her parents have spent a fortune on camps, private insrtuction, batting cages, gloves, bats, equipment, uniforms, players fees, concession stands, gas money, and hotels. THEY ARE BROKE!!!
The TGFPSP is a fierce competitor. She knows you only get out of something what you put into it. She's not the type of kid to take the easy way out. Standing , maybe 5'7" and weighing 110 pound, soaking wet, she is willing to stand in against a pitcher throwing heat from a distance so close that even pro players would get nervous. She is fearless as she plays first or third base, standing 20 feet from home plate saying,"I dare you to bunt" or "Just try to drive one down my throat." But most of all, she is proud, for no matter what size she may be or what position she might play, no one can tell her that a softball is in any way soft, and she knows that throwing like a girl doesn't mean what it used to.
The TGFPSP is playing for all the right reasons...SHE LOVES IT! She could hang out at the mall, stay home and watch TV or spend her summers at the swimming pool. Instead she has a tight schedule with limited free time, hangs out in the practice field with a coach in her face and spends her summers getting baked on a 95 degree field with no shade- and loves every minute of it. The TGFPSP has her priorities: tournaments, team practices, school, and boys(if she has time).
The TGFPSP learns many valuble lessons during the course of her softball career, like:
-Unlike the geographically challenged, softball girls know how to get from home to every softball field within a 100 mile radius.
-Last years sunflower seeds at the bottom of the bag aren't to bad if you soak them in Gatorade.
-You can stay at a Holiday Inn for $6 a night if you out 8 in a room.
-Hotels don't monitor pool usage so you can go swimming anytime whether you are a registered guest or not.
-Continental breakfast means: 3 bowls of cereal. 2 bagels, 2 donuts, and 4 glasses of OJ.
-Never wash your socks when you're on a winning streak.
-Never wash your socks when you're on a hitting streak.
-Never was your socks after you've scored the winning run, scored nay run, or were even close to scoring a run.
-NEVER TRUST YOUR MOM WHEN SHE SAYS THAT SHE WON'T WASH YOUR LUCKY SOCKS!
The TGFPSP dreams of double plays, slap bunts, the long ball, and future gold. Regardless of all the sacrifices, the occasional bad coach, the money, and the little hardships- like drinking water that 20 girls have out their hands in. The TGFPSP has a lot of un every summer- ebough to make her com back each year. While the TGFPSP knows she will always be somebody's little girl, she knows that her destiny is to be one of tomorrow's leaders.
|
|
|
[16 Jan 2008|11:15am] |
im extremely happy today. im over whatever i was over. either that, or i learned how to cope with it better.
school is starting soon. i cant wait. i hope i make some friends this semester that i can hang out with this summer. i really dont have the same friends anymore. i guess you can say that im moving on to bigger and better things.
|
|
|
[14 Jan 2008|07:38pm] |
im still waiting for him. but now hes not trusting me.
the only people i hang out with are lisa, trisha, and dan.
and i barely hang out with dan that much anymore.
i tell him everything, even stupid things i know that he doesnt give a damn about.
i think of him all the time.
i cry cause im not with him.
i smile when i see his face.
i always want to talk and be with him.
im starting to feel stupid.
cause it seems like well never be together.
i always do something wrong.
|
|
|
[04 Jan 2008|03:55pm] |
so, i fuck EVERYTHING up. asdhafklafa.
if i was suicidal, i would kill myself.
|
|
|
[04 Dec 2007|09:42pm] |
|
today i handed in my project for foundations class. this thing is 30% of my grade. i believe that i did an awesome job on it. i cave a cover page and a table of contents. i even have footnotes and headers. so, my grade in that class SHOULD be an A. if not, theres a problem.
i got yet ANOTHER test back from ed psych. i didnt even open the book for this one and i got a 73. he handed it to me and went, "im so dissapointed in you." sorry. sheesh. that test and my research project were the same day and it was either i do crummy on this test (i have a 116 average in the class) or i do crummy on the paper. sorry. you loose. it was kinda funny though how everyone in the class kept going, "you didnt get the highest grade," like i care. i walked into that class KNOWING that i was going to bomb it, so why would i front about being upset?
English is a bunch of crap. every essay i write i get a b on. currently, i am typing up my 5th essay for this class and we have one more essay to write, and class is over on the 18th. great. so there goes a weekend that im going to be spending another all-night on. but, hes saying that its a final, so which means that we would have to write it in class, which sucks. this man is the hardest grader that i ever had. i quote parenthases wrong and he takes off a letter grade for it. whatever. i just cant wait to get over him.
History i have a 99.87 average. history is so easy.
health i just have a final and a wellness plan that i have to write up and than ill get another a for a course. but im thinking that this course is not even going to count for anything. if it doesnt, than of well. i might take gibbs in the summer. haha.
|
|
|
[28 Nov 2007|09:54pm] |
|
it seems like every relationship that im in ends this way: im a hateful person. i have too much aggression. im always angry. i take everything out on you.
jesus. im starting to believe that im a horrible person.
|
|
|
[25 Nov 2007|01:53am] |
|
by the sound of things, im going to rutgers CAMDEN, and living at home. but ill have no curfew. so i guess things equal out, right?
|
|
|
[16 Nov 2007|01:49am] |
|
i want to fall in love with you so bad, but thinking about how you hurt me motivates me not to.
and i go to bed lonely and depressed thinking about you and thinking about how we have nothing left, but apologizes and wishes.
|
|
|
[13 Nov 2007|01:38am] |
|
i had this perfectly good schedule all working out and than i go online to look at the humanity electives and all the elctives that i picked (art elective and literature elective) do not follow under this category. my random elective that i had, which is health, doesnt fall under this category either. so there i go again, picking all these random classes and switching schedules so everything fits and makes sense.
umm. i got a biology class thats not olivero. its a good thing too. freshmen pick classes in less than 7 hours, and this other guy for bio is almost filled.
but here i go again: having a rediculous schedule to match rediculous classes that i pick. I feel like im the only one graduating on time.
my entire schedule is on my myspace. but its going to be gone real soon.
. . .and here goes brett again, ruining something that was beginning to be perfect.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
dirrtycutfreak's journal